You're Invited:What Do I Need And What Can I Add?

Updated: Mar 11



Victorious Sisterhood: We welcome you to join us every Monday at 11 am PST, where we connect and notice the cycles of our lives. Each week through checking in, we can see how we are shifting and changing over time. We hold a protective and safe space for you to be in whatever season you are without judgment or comparative energy. We celebrate all seasons and welcome each woman's experience. Please register to join us tomorrow or a Monday soon that suits you best!




When it comes to our wellness journey, we may often find ourselves swinging from one side to the other like a pendulum. Usually, we are grasping at extremes, when we are really craving the middle. And each one of us will have a unique middle path.


So how do we find middle for us?

We can start by asking, "What do I need, and what can I add?" These questions can be so liberating. Take a minute to feel those questions in your body. Perhaps you can feel the possibilities around those questions. Looking at what we can add, rather than what we are taking away, gives us an option that opens the mind and heart to small actions that help us to find a middle.


Why is the middle path important? Because it often honours the feminine...

For many women, when we find ourselves on a path to healing, we can often bring with us our perfectionism. And why wouldn't we? This too needs to be looked at and worked with. In our society, we honour one thing, and that is steady masculine energy. Discipline, motivation, get er done, all of these have their place, however, this navel point(Third Chakra) energy can also fuel perfectionism. The perfectionist wants to get healing right. DO all the right things, eat all the right things, meditate on all the right things, have incredible discipline in all the right things. This energy drives millions of women into crisis. And in a trendy wellness culture that focuses solely on love and light, there is also the pressure to be happy, positive, manifesting optimally while healing trauma, abuse, racism, white supremacy and so much more. The wellness culture, at this point anyway, is perfectionism on steroids.

Many of our behaviours are born out of unworthiness. And when it comes to healing, whatever you are healing, requires a good look at how unworthiness is expressing itself. For many, it expresses itself as perfectionism.


If we are perfect maybe we would get what we need?

Healing is messy. There is no way around that. I wish there was. I too, a recovering perfectionist, wishes that disciplined steady actions were the way out. "If only I could be so steady in my self-care, and choices around health, that my whole world will be better, different, easier." Have you said this a thousand times before? I know I have.

Healing requires us to let go and that process in itself is messy. Letting go of identities that were feeding our die-ease, chronic inflammation, and chronic pain asks that we look at why we had those identities in the first place. And that road of discovery most often is painful. Joyful too, but painful. We come to find that most of the time our perfectionist identities are born because we were searching for love, approval, and acceptance.


In a world that mostly appreciates the hard and steady work of men, we women have often modelled that steadiness only to find that we are not steady like men. We are not men. And honouring that most women have a totally different rhythm than our male-driven society still feels like an underground movement. Can we keep up and rock the world with the same steadiness of a man? Of course. But does it have negative consequences for many women and their health? Unfortunately, this seems to be the case. Especially if there is very little support from partners, bosses, community, and society. What I am speaking to is that most women have had to mould themselves to fit into a male-driven world. We don't even know what it would be like to live in a world where the feminine energies of life were honoured. And so many of us when approaching healing, apply very masculine energy to "get er done." "Get healing done and over with so that we can be more productive."


So healing is being mentally framed as a project to complete. This is perfectionism. This energy fuels binging and berating. Perfectionism fuels intellectual healing rather than embodied healing. We can't think our way into healing.


We have to feel ourselves into healing.


And the feeling part is the feminine energy. It is the emotional body. This emotional body is essential to our healing process.


This is why I love Hypnotherapy, Nutrition, Yoga, and Meditation, and why I use them all together in my practice. They all give you an experience of yourself to yourself. It is through self-experience that we start to heal.

And so, it is in my opinion that the whole world requires more feminine energy when it comes to healing. Soft rather than hard, rhythm and cycles, over rigid steady discipline. We can practice by asking soft and compassionate questions like, "What can I add to my day that will support how I am feeling? Is there a soft approach I can take rather than a rigid approach? Can I work with the energy of my menstrual cycle? Can I notice myself changing daily? Can I surrender instead of pushing? Is there an opportunity to value rest today?


How can I honour what I am feeling?

And What can I add?


When I ask myself what can I add, many things come to mind. I could add a walk, a cup of ginger tea, a hot bath, a mediation, a nap, writing, a chat with a friend, foods that support me, more fresh water to drink.

This question to me, also allows the perfectionist within me to relax and take a backseat. I am not asking what I should do, what I should take away, and how I can become better. I am asking what can I add that will nourish me. And sometimes the answer is a run, breath of fire, addressing anger and rage, punk rock music, and an intense workout. All things have a place. My job on this planet is to help others heal from perfectionism by diving into softer practices. I find these softer practices or rather a softer more cyclical perspective leads women into noticing their rhythms.


By knowing our rhythms we can listen more deeply when the question arises from within. What do I need?

Here is an example. Let's say you have committed yourself to an exercise regimen, or meditation practice for 40 days. During this time you start going into your menstruation cycle. Perhaps you are experiencing PMS, maybe cramping. Do you do the exercise regimen anyway? Do you sit in Meditation anyway? Maybe you even take pain killers so you can keep up with your commitment to exercise, or sitting, even though it is uncomfortable? Do you find that if you can't follow through because you are experiencing discomfort, you now berate yourself for not being able to exercise?


If you answered yes to any of those questions, there is an opportunity here to shift your perspective. To support that shifting perspective, we can ask the questions, "What do I need? What can I add?

We have been taught the soft is weak, and hard and steady discipline will deliver us to the promised land of health, but this is not true for many many women. Most women find tremendous healing when we heal the all or nothing attitude. The all or nothing attitude is just the programming we learned in a masculine driven world. There has never been room for rhythm and cycles, softness, and the emotional body in our society. We are now seeing how not listening to cycles and being over-productive not only destroys our health but is also destroying our mother earth.

We get a lot of praise when we are productive. Perhaps we should start praising ourselves when we can rest without shame. Praising ourselves when we listen to what we need rather than the extreme lifestyle regime we expect from ourselves. Maybe we can praise our flexibility, listening to what is the middle path for us that day or even at the moment. Maybe we can praise ourselves for recognizing that we are not the same people from day to day. And that is more than ok! Our emotional body may require different things each day.



We are not meant to be steady all the time. Our gift is in our rhythms and cycles. What do I need and what can I add?

In revolution,

Patricia


Victorious Sisterhood: We welcome you to join us every Monday at 11 am PST, where we connect and notice the cycles of our lives. Each week through checking in, we can see how we are shifting and changing over time. We hold a protective and safe space for you to be in whatever season you are without judgment or comparative energy. We celebrate all seasons and welcome each woman's experience. Please register to join us tomorrow or a Monday soon that suits you best!


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