You're Invited:Do You Trust Yourself?

Victorious Sisterhood: We welcome you to join us every Monday at 11 am PST, where we connect and notice the cycles of our lives. Each week through checking in, we can see how we are shifting and changing over time. We hold a protective and safe space for you to be in whatever season you are without judgment or comparative energy. We celebrate all seasons and welcome each woman's experience. Please register to join us tomorrow or a Monday soon that suits you best!

We all know what it is like to have a trusted person in our lives, at least I would like to believe that most people have experienced a relationship where they felt held in that sacred space of trust. For many years I stood behind a chair listening to women as I did their hair. There is something so special about this relationship. The private space where I worked also added to this closed trusted container. Touch leads people to open up a lot of the time. Although I would notice that touch for some was challenging. It can also be a challenge to trust someone with your self-image. Sharing this intimate space with people, changed my life forever. Holding people's secrets with love and devotion, helped my heart to grow, and compassion for my own experience of life was more available.

We know what it is like to have a trusted friend, let's hope, and we know what it is like to have trust broken too, unfortunately. Do we apply the same rules, and boundaries, love, and compassion, to ourselves?

Can we trust ourselves to act in our own best interest?

We can't talk about self-trust without talking about intuition. Intuition is our guiding compass, our gut reaction, our inner knowing. It is beyond the mind. But it is not beyond the body. Research has shown that the body often reacts to a situation, before the brain. The body is the unconscious mind. So if we put into practice deep listening, to the body, we can better hear our intuition. When we say we had a gut reaction to someone or something, we can feel a warning, or a yes, from the pit of our stomach. However, when we are in chronic stress or have grown up in trauma, and especially if we had a narcissistic parent, we may have learned to put aside our truth, ignored our intuition to get along, to belong, to survive. This can lead to ignoring major warning signs given to us by the body.

How do we build self-trust? By earning it, like in every other relationship.

We have the chance every day to build self-trust. We do this by setting small achievable self-care goals and celebrating when we meet these milestones, no matter how small. Having an all-or-nothing mindset can make this difficult because we tend to swing the pendulum from one extreme to the other. A happy life where we trust ourselves is built on small steps, a middle path approach where we are looking for the compassionate third option. And I think we need to start a victory revolution where we celebrate the small things. Getting through the day without losing your temper, drinking plenty of water, going for a walk, writing in your journal, listening compassionately to a friend, going to bed at a reasonable hour, these actions build the foundation for self-trust. Holding that conversation you had with your friend in confidence, this act of trust, again and again, makes us who we are.

When I first started hairdressing at 21 years old, I watched closely the other stylists around me. The ones that had integrity with their word, held themselves differently than the ones gossiping everyone's business around town. They trusted themselves to hold the stories and experiences of others. That trust builds a strong magnetic radiance. I knew that if I wanted to have a meaningful career, I was going to build this trust within myself and with others. By doing so I was privy to sensitive information every day. Not only did people share with me, but they were doing so in front of a mirror. They were sharing with themselves. It was beautiful, and there was a lot of transformation happening, and not just with their hair do's. As a Holistic Healer, I no longer do hair, I am using different tools for transformation, like Nutrition, Hypnotherapy, and Spiritual Development. I could not be more grateful for the sixteen years I spent building trust with others and myself, with my hands in their hair.

Recently I have given away my power. It happened over time, in a relationship slowly chipping away at my self-trust. I had the warning flags and horns go off at the beginning of the relationship, and I kept ignoring them. I knew to keep my distance in many ways. I am thankful for that. I could have been even more enmeshed had I taken their advice. Have you ever have someone tell you what your path should be? Even though you repeatedly share, that what they are proposing was not for you? This "friend" even joked with other people about it, giving the impression that I was clueless about my path in life because I wasn't willing to adopt the path they saw for me. It wasn't about me. They wanted me to fulfill a role that would benefit them. They thought they knew better than me, about me. And this would be the theme of our relationship. I felt so uncomfortable for so long and ignored it. I always knew what my life path was, I didn't want the role they were selling. And sadly, this wasn't the first warning flag or the last. I of course created my own company, as I had already been an entrepreneur for 16 years, I continued to train in my chosen fields. I always have put my eggs in my own basket. Ever since I was 16 years old. In toxic relationships we tend to feel bullied and there can be a sense of lost freedom. Those that want to take ownership, credit for our accomplishments, set up a hierarchy system within relationships because at the core, they are insecure and controlling. And controlling others gives them power. This could be your boss, your parent, a friend, really anyone. We can lose ourselves pretty quickly with the over arching theme of toxic loyalty and feeling less than. But even with all the many warning flags, we can still want to see the bright side of the person, so we ignore our intuition, and slowly we start questioning ourselves. We act in ways that aren't aligned with our core values, causing even more confusion. It is like the old saying goes, you are who you surround yourself with. So if you start not liking yourself very much, self-trust is crumbling, and you are being influenced by a domineering person, it may be a good time to touch base with your core values, your intuition, and your foundation of self-trust. It is never too late to listen to those warning bells and whistles. They have been with you all along and they will continue to ring until you listen. This may also be a good time to reach out to people who have known you for a long time, where there is a deep trust set up, and ask them to remind you of who you are, sometimes we need the reminder. If any relationship damages your self-trust, know that that is not loving. Those who love you will help you build trust, not make you question yourself, your choices, and your core values, in a harmful hurtful way.

When we listen to our intuition, it can lead us on all sorts of adventures!

It can even lead us through some of our worse fears. I was terrified of flying. Phobic. I would cancel trips much to my husband's disappointment. I had experienced a 7-hour panic attack on my first flight, and after that horrendous ordeal, I didn't trust I could do it again. But my intuition had other plans for me. There was this Yoga training in New Mexico. I couldn't shake this yearning to go there. I studied the website weekly, I thought about it most days; I was being led by this inner yearning to go there and study the yoga I loved so much. I live on the west coast of Canada, to get there meant flying. I knew I needed Hypnotherapy. I just knew it. I don't know how or why, but I knew hypnotherapy could help me. I went three times, and I'll never forget the suggestion that planted in my subconscious mind. The Hypnotherapist said, "When you think about flying, you will feel optimistic." And I did! Much to my surprise. I also practiced Kundalini Yoga four times a week, which had a massive positive impact on my life. And before you know it I was trusting myself to fly to New Mexico, to study the yoga I loved, at an ashram for a month. I did it! I will never forget that feeling of victory when I landed in New Mexico, and when I flew home to my beloved husband and fur family a month later. I showed up for myself and met the challenges of a learning curve. I was building more self-trust. And it was my intuition that led me through the fear. This intelligent inner compass knew exactly where I needed to be.

We have only to set small and achievable goals to build this sacred relationship with trust. We can learn to develop our intuition through meditation, and acting on the warning bells, as well as listening to the direction our intuition wants to take us. Each action towards meeting our inner knowledge will lay the foundation of trust. It is never too late to say no or yes to something. It is always a good idea to return to your core values to determine if you are on the right track. Reclaiming your power and self-trust will energetically shift the way you interact with the world around you. Boundaries will be easier to put in place too. It will become clear what relationships in your life brings out the best in you and which ones erode your trust and values. Your intuition is always on board to be your navigation system. It knows which bread crumbs to follow and when to walk away from that which is not serving you.

The more we learn to listen the easier it gets.

Listen to the body, it never lies. If you get red flags from a person or situation, practice listening to where you feel this in your body. And celebrate your victory when you take the time to tune in to you.

In love and revolution,

Patricia MacNeill


Victorious Sisterhood: We welcome you to join us every Monday at 11 am PST, where we connect and notice the cycles of our lives. Each week through checking in, we can see how we are shifting and changing over time. We hold a protective and safe space for you to be in whatever season you are without judgment or comparative energy. We celebrate all seasons and welcome each woman's experience. Please register to join us tomorrow or a Monday soon that suits you best!

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