Updated: Jan 8, 2019
I mean really believed. Not a wavering-in-the-wind kind of belief, but instead a steadfast trust in your abilities to live a full to the brim life.
We are so quick to believe our unworthiness
Our thoughts turn dark and we follow them down the rabbit hole of doubt and doom. We may fight the thoughts with resistance. And resistance, well, that feels like a never-ending tantrum, that screams out, “I don't want to!”. With that attitude, the fight is hard won, if won at all.
The Big T
I have found there is only one antidote to the swirling shame cycle that keeps us in our unworthiness, and that my friends is the big T: TRUST.
Trust is a tricky and somewhat elusive thing. Over our lifetime we are let down, including, when we let ourselves down. The trust is broken again and again. By the time we are adults, we have experienced betrayal, death, abandonment and the constant plague of doubt. Even our parents, close friends, have perhaps torn at the fabric of our trust. Don't even get me started on our world leaders.
I learned at a very young age that trusting was dangerous. And in some cases it is. I also learned from my Nanny (grandmother) that I was the most beautiful person in the whole world, inside and out. I learned from her that I was really special and that I had so much talent in just being myself. This was the first instalment of trust for my young sponge-like mind. Thank God for that experience. Many folks never get that. On the other hand, I had a Mother that could not be a Mother. I didn’t live with her until I was 8. And by 9 I learned not to trust anyone. Not even my Mother. Those lessons back in the late ’80s were tough and fuelled by the popularity of cocaine. Not me, I was not doing cocaine. Just thought I would clear up any confusion.
The external world was teaching me that when we trust we get hurt. I know this has been the experience for many. It doesn't take an extreme situation like living with a drug addict, to rip away at the foundation of trust. Brick by brick, over time, with piling disappointments, the foundation crumbles and we are left wobbling around without stable footing. Trust is essential to live with purpose. Trust is the thread that leads from your heart song desires to a reality that you can be proud of. A reality where you can take full credit as a co-creator. Trust is how we manifest. It is the main ingredient in creating the path, that leads to dreams come true. And it starts with you. You have to trust YOU no matter what. So what about when the doubt sets in? Which it will. Thanks to our conditioning. I suggest using your doubt as a way to get curious. You can’t jump from doubt to trust without taking a detour into why you can’t trust in the first place. This part of the process leads to healing. So, as you journey down the road of trust, paved with your dreams that really do come true, you are met with an obstacle of doubt less and less. The work is yours to do. I know, it’s no fun. Bypassing the messy bits will not build your foundation. Avoiding the healing process just puts a soggy wetland under your foundation. You can’t build on unhealed brokenness. It will haunt you. And that my friends is the truth.
There is no clear pathway to healing. Everyone has a different road to take. However, when we engage in practices that build trust within ourselves, for ourselves, we are much more prepared to be tender, meeting our obstacles with compassion instead of shame and unworthiness.
Eating whole foods is a great place to start. It allows for better blood flow, optimal digestion, less brain fog, and a reduction in chronic pain. Oh and energy! We can’t forget energy. We need energy to do our healing work, as well as to simply enjoy life. Food is medicine. Whole foods nourish our cells. No one likes walking around like deficient zombies. It is hard to get anything done when we are not nourishing our bodies and minds.
Sleeping, as a wellness practice is helpful too. Oh, sleep, how I adore you!
Turning off the screens in your home an hour before bed is beneficial for the Endocrine system. The Endocrine system is our amazing hormonal system. It very sensitive to rhythms, cycles, and light. When we are constantly putting a light in front of our eyes, our hormonal system thinks it’s time to party. Shut it down people. Relax, read, introduce bath time…. oh and how about sex! Sex is very helpful for relaxing the body. A movement/mindfulness practice does wonders for trust. Especially when you are showing up for yourself on a regular basis. It really doesn't matter the practice, as long as you are spending time moving, breathing, and honouring your self. Even if only for a few minutes every day. Show up for you! I love Kundalini Yoga. I teach it and practice this old school form of yoga. I like the chanting aspect this yoga. So even if I am feeling lazy and not wanting to move too much, I can sit and chant mantras that make me feel like I am home in my body.
Last but not least. Boundaries! oh boy! I said it! All you co-dependents listen up! Boundaries tell other people where they stop, and you begin. As co-dependants (raising my hand people, I am one too) we tend to entangle with people. We think everything is our fault and take on other people’s shit when we really don't need to. Having strong boundaries teaches people how to treat us. And I don't know if you have noticed, but if you let someone treat you poorly, they will think your cool with that behaviour.
Don’t allow people to treat you bad! Just don’t. We have the capacity to hold energetic boundaries as well and verbal boundaries with those around us. Trust that you can walk away from toxic relationships. Even if the folks that are toxic are your family members. Trusting ourselves sends a message to all of creation. It reads, “ I am ready to receive my greatness! I am ready to embrace my destiny! I am ready to love so fiercely that I expand with grace and beauty! It calls, like the sweet fragrance of a flower to a bee. Trusting in yourself IS the dream come true.